


Social Grace

by SoDoRoses (FairyChess)



Series: Blanketverse [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, not in that order, the answer is [fucking bolts], unstoppable force vs immovable object, virgil's pessimism meets roman idealism, when does this take place in canon you ask?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 21:10:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18859186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyChess/pseuds/SoDoRoses
Summary: Point A: Virgil truly, from the bottom of his heart, doesn’t believe good things can last forever.Point B: Roman, of course, calls bullshit.But the path between A and B? Well.Let’s just say it gets worse before it gets better.





	Social Grace

Virgil was almost positive Roman was going to break up with him.

Normally, at that point he would go talk to Logan. Because yeah, Virgil was paranoid and twitchy and constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop in every situation, but he wasn’t an  _idiot._  He understood that sometimes he could be irrational.

But.

But… there was always the chance he  _wasn’t_  being irrational. There was always a chance that he was  _right_ , and most of the time, Virgil didn’t actually  _enjoy_  being right. Yeah, it was nice to feel a little vindicated, but always being the bearer of bad news wasn’t at the top of his list of favorite activities.

And now that Logan and Patton had removed the cotton balls from their collective ears and were pretty much constantly in each other’s pockets, it was nearly impossible to catch Logan alone anyway.

So Virgil tried to channel his inner Logan and look at this objectively.

That morning, (although it was technically early afternoon) when Virgil had come down from his room, Roman had done the same thing he’d done every morning since they’d gotten together. He’d got up eagerly from his seat, met Virgil at the foot of the stairs, and swept him into a spinning embrace. Like he hadn’t seen Virgil in weeks, rather than just 12 hours ago, and like they’d been separated by an ocean rather than a half-dozen feet of hallway.

Virgil, despite the near-paralyzing fear of a looming break-up in the distance, had grinned and probably looked incredibly,  _idiotically_ soppy.

Virgil placed this interaction in the “no break-up” column.

But the night before, when Roman had gone to bed, he had kissed Virgil goodnight. And  _that_  was normal, but every other part of the interaction had been decidedly not.

They’d been – cuddling wasn’t the right word. Virgil had been too keyed up for that much physical contact. But their shoulders were pressed together and Roman was holding Virgil’s hand in both of his, running his fingers along the bumps and creases.

But he’d been so tense. Rigid, even. Virgil even wondered if the uneasiness rolling off of Roman in waves had been the reason  _Virgil_ was so agitated in the first place.

Roman hadn’t been gently playing with his fingers like worry stone, the way he usually did. He’d been  _fidgeting_. The way he had all those months ago in Virgil’s room. Self-conscious and fretful.

And when he’d gotten up he’d stared at Virgil for just a moment longer than normal, his eyes flashing with some inscrutable distress. He’d kissed Virgil goodnight, but he’d felt like he was a million miles away.

Virgil tallied it in the break-up column.

And it kept happening, over and over. Roman checking out of conversations, a faraway expression on his face. Radiating so much anxiety that once or twice Logan or Patton had mistaken him for Virgil coming into a room before they’d turned around to look at him. Staring at Virgil when he thought he wasn’t looking, with an expression Virgil could barely see out of the corner of his eye but certainly wasn’t happy.

As he mentally marked every interaction with Roman into one of the two columns, his heart dropped lower and lower as one clearly took the overwhelming lead.

He was… upset, definitely. Miserable, even. But he couldn’t say he was surprised.

He loved Roman. Loved him so much it sometimes felt like all the empty space in his chest was full of it. Like if he stopped concentrating on containing it for even a moment it would spill out of his fingertips and his mouth, overflow and drown him.

But Roman was… was light and joy, glitter and blinding smiles. It was like loving a supernova. What did Virgil really have to offer him?

Nervous cuddling that sometimes ended in Virgil leaping away, overwhelmed by too much skin contact? A boyfriend too terrified to hardly ever initiate anything, leaving Roman to lead their relationship almost entirely alone? Gingerly held hands and shaking embraces, a significant other that was somehow both clingy  _and_  standoffish?

Part of Virgil wondered if he’d been picked just because he was the only real option.

_No_. he insisted to himself vehemently. Roman wouldn’t do that. Roman wouldn’t have used him just because he was lonely.

Virgil felt like his skin was too tight and too hot, like it had shrunk still on him. Roman must… Roman must have feelings for him. Or at least… he must have  _had_  them. At some point.

Virgil thought of the party, the dancing and the lights, and how everything had been perfect. Maybe too perfect. So perfect it hadn’t been real.

A daydream.

And then, once Roman had gotten into the real thing, once being with Virgil was a reality rather than a fantasy, Roman had changed his mind.

It made sense. A bitter, cruel kind of sense, but it did make sense.

But Virgil was certain Roman still cared about him. That must be why he was so upset. Roman had initiated the relationship and now he was going to break it off, and he felt guilty about what he was putting Virgil through.

_I should do it._

Virgil should end it. It would be kinder for both of them. Virgil wouldn’t have to hear Roman say it out loud and Roman wouldn’t have to feel guilty.

The thought alone made Virgil’s chest go tight, panic rising in his throat and his breath going shallow. He couldn’t,  _couldn’t,_ probably not to save the world could he do it. It was the best decision, for everyone, and Virgil knew there was no way he could ever make it.

_A coward through and through._

Virgil concentrated on calming the lump in his throat. These things happened. It wasn’t like Virgil was delusional enough to think this would last forever. It wasn’t anybody’s fault.

Well, except for the fact that, just by law of averages, it  _was_  probably Virgil’s fault.

He was barely keeping a lid on his panic, so of course that was when someone knocked at his door.

5-7-8 was out of reach at the moment but he managed a solid 4-4-4, and when he’d done that a couple times, he called out to the door just as whoever it was knocked again.

The door clicked open, and it was Roman.

Nervousness was rolling off of him in waves. He was a little pale, nibbling on his lip. Virgil’s panic was creeping back, and he’d tried not to make the square breathing obvious.

“Hey,” he said quietly. If Roman noticed that Virgil’s voice was shaking, he didn’t seem to think it was important.

“Hello, my dear,” said Roman. Virgil’s chest throbbed.

“Do you think you could come to the doorway?” said Roman.

“Yeah, sure,” croaked Virgil, climbing gingerly of the bed. Of course Roman didn’t want to accost Virgil in his own room. He was being so sweetly considerate it made Virgil’s teeth ache.

Roman sat in the doorway, cross-legged, just beyond the threshold. Virgil sat across from him, and he let Roman take his hands and squeeze them. Virgil felt like he was going to throw up.

He should do it now. He should beat Roman to the punch, because there was a chance if Virgil said it first, he wouldn’t cry. But if he heard the words come out of Roman’s mouth he was  _certain_  he would, and it’d be catastrophically embarrassing and Roman would feel bad.

He might even take it  _back_  which was the absolute last thing Virgil wanted. He didn’t want Roman to leave him but the only other alternative was Roman staying when he didn’t want to, which was infinitely worse.

“I, um,” Roman squeezed again, a wan half smile on his face. He took a steadying breath.

“I have to say something,” said Roman, “And it’s really important but I don’t want you to feel- bad, or anything, and I don’t expect any particular reaction, don’t feel like you’re…  _obligated_  to feel a certain way,”

Virgil’s chest was weighted down, cast in lead. He had to cut him off. Virgil was already choking up, if Roman said it he’d shatter completely.

“But it’s important, and you should know, so I just… I wanted to tell you that-”

“ _I think we should break up_ ,” Virgil blurted.

“-I love you,”

Both of them stared at the other, gobsmacked.

“.. Oh,” said Roman in a small voice.

Virgil’s ears were ringing.

Roman dropped Virgil’s hands. His expression was closing off into a forced smile.

“I- I apologize,” he said, his voice just barely cracking, “I… didn’t realize just how different a page we were on,”

“Wait,” croaked Virgil.

“No, it’s,” Roman shook his head, the smile clicking firmer into place, fake and brittle, “You don’t have to apologize, my dea-  _Virgil_. I would never ask you to pretend for me,”

Roman was clamoring to his feet, and he was walking away, he was going to leave and it  _was_  Virgil’s fault because Virgil was a grade-A free range idiot and Virgil needed to  _stop him_.

“ _Wait,”_  Virgil pleaded, and there must have been something in Virgil’s voice that caught Roman’s attention because he did pause. His eyes were suspiciously shiny.

“Can we go to your room?” rasped Virgil.

Roman’s face went heartbroken.

“Virgil, if you don’t- if you don’t want to be with me the room won’t make you. It can’t  _create_  romantic feelings,”

“Yeah, I know, Princey, can we just- please?  _Please_ ,”

Roman slumped, defeated. He held out one hand, probably to help Virgil up, and Virgil took it but he didn’t let go, clinging. His heart was still a drum circle beat in his ears. He needed to get to Roman’s room, needed the burst of self-assurance that came with it.

Because Virgil had  _definitely_  fucked up here. So bad. Spectacularly bad. Bad enough that Roman might just break up with him anyway, once he realized just how much of a total asshole Virgil was.

They popped up in Roman’s room, and there was the familiar surge of creativity and a swell of confidence. Virgil grabbed it by the throat and started speaking.

“I love you, too,” he said. Roman was already shaking his head, but Virgil plowed on.

“I do, I love you, so much and I  _know_  I fucked this up and I’m so, so sorry, but I swear. I swear I love you, and I’d honestly rather eat glass than break up with you but I’m, as usual, kind of an idiot,”

The slightest tinge of cautious hope was creeping up on Roman’s face.

“If you don’t, then… why did you say it?” he said, wary.

Virgil swallowed, and he gave Roman a brittle smile.

“Funny story,” he choked out, “But I actually thought  _you_  were breaking up with  _me_ ,”

Roman’s face went rapidly through a variety of facial expressions. Baffled, a little offended, considering, dawning realization and then settling on sad, resigned understanding.

“Virgil,” he said softly.

“I know,” Virgil laughed humorlessly, “You sure know how to pick them,”

“Yeah, I do, actually,” said Roman sharply. Virgil flinched and Roman looked instantly regretful.

“C’mere, Verge,”

Roman led Virgil over towards the bed. When Virgil went to sit down next to him, Roman didn’t let him, scooting back towards the headboard and pulling Virgil with him until their legs were tangled up and they were sitting face to face.

Roman dragged his hands up Virgil’s arms, over his shoulders and finally cupping Virgil’s face, impossibly gentle.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and Virgil froze, wide-eyed. “I did not mean to cause you distress by being so nervous,”

“Oh,  _absolutely_  not,” said Virgil, ragged, “You are  _not_  apologizing for  _me_  being a paranoid flight risk, Princey,”

“If I have not made it  _abundantly_  clear,” said Roman thickly, “That I adore you in every way and that you are the greatest and brightest joy in my life, than that  _is_  a failure on my part,”

Virgil’s stomach twisted, one part awe and two parts cloying guilt.

“No, it’s  _not_ ,” said Virgil, “This is 100% solely on me, Virgil, anxiety extraordinaire, fixating on the inevitable worst case scenario because I can’t be chill for one singular second,”

Roman’s fingers ran softly over Virgil’s face, his jaw working back and forth.

“…Inevitable?” he said quietly.

Virgil tensed.

“I mean,” he said, voice shaking, “Yeah. Kinda,”

“Why inevitable?”

“C’mon, don’t be- don’t be ridiculous,” muttered Virgil.

“I assure you I have never been  _less_  flippant in my life,” said Roman, “Why do you think me leaving you is inevitable?”

“Because it is?” said Virgil, laughing humorlessly. His thoughts feel sharp, scattered on the floor. “I mean, you’re. You’re you, and I’m… me,”

Roman shook his head.

“I don’t understand your point,”

“I just- what am I even bringing to the table, here?” said Virgil, “I don’t have a lot of selling points as a boyfriend, Roman, that’s just a fact,”

“You are amazing,” said Roman firmly.

“You don’t have to-”

“I’m not,” said Roman, “I’m not lying,”

“You know exactly how I take my coffee in the morning and if you are up before me you always manage to time it so it’s the perfect temperature when you hand it to me, no matter what time it is,” said Roman. Virgil felt a little flushed.

“You let me hang all over you all the time, and even when you’re too keyed up for that you hold my hand because you know it comforts me when I can touch you,”

Roman moved on of his hands, dragging the back of his knuckles down Virgil’s face. Virgil shivered.

“ _That_ ,” said Roman, voice a little strained, “The way you react every time I touch you like it’s the very first time. Like it’s always new and exciting,”

“It is,” said Virgil, flushing in embarrassment at the flustered, breathless quality of his voice.

Roman’s hand’s tightened on Virgil’s face.

“And then you say shit like  _that,_ ” groaned Roman, and that was all the warning Virgil got before Roman swooped in and captured Virgil’s lips.

They’d never kissed in Roman’s room, and it was only about a second before Virgil decided that needed to change immediately.

Virgil surged forward, climbing into Roman’s lap, his mouth opening on a desperate whine. His thoughts had fragmented, but rather than shattered and sharp they felt like spinning kaleidoscopes, a sea of dazzling, disjointed color.

His heartbeat felt like it had taken up exclusive residence in his throat, and Roman’s mouth followed it down the line of Virgil’s pulse. Roman kissed his neck, just the barest hint of teeth, and Virgil’s voice came out in a startled keen.

“ _Too much,_ ” he gasped.

Roman pulled back, breathing heavy, his eyes blown wide and black. His hands had moved from Virgil’s face to around his waist, and he looked up at Virgil like Virgil had painted the stars by hand.

“Do you need to move?” Roman said. His voice was low and dark, though he was clearly trying to get a handle on it. Virgil restrained himself from kissing Roman again, because his hands were shaking and he really did need to calm down.

“No,” he said, “Can I- could you actually just- just hold me?”

“Of course,” said Roman, and Virgil could have cried from the softness of it. He set his forehead on Roman’s shoulder, and they sat still for long moments until Virgil’s breathing resembled some kind of normal.

“One more thing,” said Roman, pushing a little until Virgil leaned back and looked him in the eye. Roman grinned, soft and fond and just a tad mischievous.

“I,” he said firmly, “Am going to love you  _forever_ ,”

A thrill of startled joy skittered up Virgil’s spine, but he shook his head, restraining it.

“You can’t know that,”

“What, you’re allowed to know for sure I’m going to leave, but I’m not allowed to be positive that there is not a force in heaven or earth that could sway how much cherish you?”

Virgil’s mouth was pulling up at the corners, his face beginning to burn.

“That’s not- shut up,”

“No,” said Roman, smirking. “I love you. I’ll love you forever. You can’t get rid of me,”

“Shut  _up,”_  Virgil whined, and then he  _giggled,_  which was just downright embarrassing.

“Forever and ever, until the moon fades and the stars go out, until my very last breath-”

“You are such a  _dork_ ,” said Virgil, leaning forward and claiming another kiss to shut Roman up.

Funny, how it just came out sounding like another “I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> im [ tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors ](%E2%80%9Dtulipscomeinallsortsofcolors.tumblr.com%E2%80%9D) on tumblr, feel free to come yell about snaders sides because i am ALWAYS down


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